that you get when you realize school starts in ten more days
and you're shitting bricks trying to digest that information.
and your teacher emails you with a syllabus that spells out ass rape.
i suddenly feel cold and queezy.
trying to eat an apple.
i can feel it coming back up, inching its way up my esophagus.
i think one of the reason's i'm afraid of my teachers in one class in particular is bc they're all male.
i feel like my face is going to get slammed into a table.
art is the only thing that soothes me.
back to that place where ppl want to force me to do something i don't want to do.
back to that place where i get shoved up against a wall.
back to that place where people prize looks and status above integrity.
back to a place where a lot of people think friendship is using others like they're napkins.
this apple tastes bad in my mouth...
art is my one true sanity.
i do not cry. i do not scream.
i only bleed through the colors of my pictures.
I'm allowed to be scared, allowed to feel this way. But instead of shrinking away, i'll do many awesome things before the next few months are over.