This is to "whom it may concern". And this is only for one specific person. (so...everyone else who possibly reads this, I am just shedding off some thoughts that are meant for that person..)
Personal post. Vent? Possibly. But I will get this out. I will say it.
Last time... it was a mistake to delete the journal just because she felt bad about what was actually the truth.
But I will put this here because I really don't feel like I have go on over and take the block down. People do what they feel needs to be done and I want to keep this somewhat short and simple because, life goes on. I have things I want to do. Time I want to spend with people I know or even to spend it in peace by myself at times.
I don't tell you that you treat your friends like garbage because I have no idea what goes on in your relationships and I dont want to know. I'm sure like lots of other people, you just have friendships that end for whatever reasons. Good or bad, and then a lot of times it might not be so black and white. I also don't/didn't really ask because I am only concerned what happens between myself and the person that I am maintaining a "friendship" with. Just me and you.
But...You don't know what goes on in my relationships so don't accuse me of something you have no knowledge of. :[
I have, so many things as a human being that I have to cope with. But, I am not alone. Lots of people do. It's life. Circumstances can make things difficult sometimes. So don't you DARE say that I treat people like crap because of my situation or the situations that I go through
Plus think about it. If i treated people like crap because of pressures that arise from entering new stages in life, YOU
wouldnt be the ONLY person I would be doing it to. I have other people I talk to on a daily basis that my behavior would affect if I chose to take frustration and anger out on others.
Also, while that kind of ineffective coping mechanism is very real, I am a person who tries to solve their own problems. No matter how slow it seems.
It is wrong to say I took anything out on you. Because I didn't. Because I did not cuss you out. I did not write you off as something less than human during our talks. I treated you as you were: a human being.
And throughout the months when I did speak with you, and was going through hard things, I will stand up for myself and say that I was INDEED A VERY good friend.
And a very honest person. Just because you didn't like the way I "ended" things does not give you any right to lie about my integrity. I treated my other friends the same way I treated you: with the same honesty, devoting time, having fun where we could, confiding where we did.
And while I may not be friends with YOU now, I am still friends with them. Because when concerns come up, they listen. Not only do they listen, we work to reach a compromise and you did none of that. It is possible you did not see a need to reach a compromise with anything though. :/ ...
To say that I treated you like crap would be a blatant lie too. I had patience and I communicated alot with you. So much. But during points that I communicated and talked to you for hours at a time on some things I felt concerned about, the end result did not change anything.
So I made a decision and left. I turned away because nothing was being done. I did not perceive change. I did not perceive anything good coming from what I talked to you about, art wise, theft, or even what you wanted in this friendship. (you wanted someone who was an artist like you who you could relate to).
And that wish/desire is not something I am going to laugh at or shame you for. Because there's nothing about it to be laughed at or mocked. It's honest. But at the same time it did raise a red flag to me because...am I just some person who has the qualifications to just fill that position? As if, that is it? Just a slot to fill for your possible "loneliness"?
And even if you say you are changing now, it does not matter to me.
Also. Rebound friends. Gosh. If i wanted to be that ugly, I could say and MEAN the phrase "how do I know I wasn't a rebound friend to you after another person whom you considered close to a best friend LEFT you?" And apparently they did it multiple times. Ok.
The purpose of this was real. I left and didn't come back. I didn't plan on coming back. I don't do the whole bouncing around thing and I didn't do it with you.
Because when I put the block up, I meant it. It also wasn't my intention to make it look like I wanted to be "chased". No. I don't play around. And I don't want to play around.
Contacting me on a different account showed you wanted to talk at first. But you said you were at peace with "my decision". But if you really were, why note me. Why send me another note. I wish you hadn't honestly. Just go your way, I will undoubtedly go mine. Peacefully. Because I am tired. But I perceived an implied wish possibly for closure. This is it.
I laid out my concerns as best as I could given all the things online and offline that were happening.
You say you deserve better friends. Well, maybe if you can try to really listen and ironically not shove away their concerns on anything possibly touchy, then you will learn to KEEP THEM.
I know my worth. I WILL stand up for myself. Because I have been through alot (for me, I have been through alot). I am honest. I am blunt. I am patient. I can be forgiving and I often give others the benefit of a doubt. I may not be perfect but I am present in all things I do.
I have to juggle and understand so many different other things in my life right now.
You still go to school. You make art. You have fun. You face your own trials and tribulations. You don't have to go to work yet. You are still on your learning pathway in terms of a degree for a particular subject matter.
I am working already. I accommodate my own bills. I have things in my family I have to take care of because I care about them no matter how hard it is and no matter how hard they may make it on me. I have so many things I have to do for myself because I did not get to have a proper way of resolving them at an early age. For me, just for my life on its own I have gone through so many things.
If i really wanted to treat you like an utter pile of shit, as in- to take things out on you because of what I go through-
believe you me. More than one person would be hurting and hating me right now.
And that is obviously not the case. :/ I have friends too. Here, tumblr, whatever. In real life, and ppl i've met online that I am friends with in person too and they love me, and I love them. I work things out with them and they work things out with me.
I chalked up the feelings in your words as possible..hurt to the fact that I ended things. Like that. Because it sounds like it reminds you of the other person who left you. And you think it is cowardly. You can continue to perceive it that way.
But what is cowardly to me is when you did not seem to take seriously or feel the need for compromise or further explanation on what I elaborated on so much. Multiple times. I got. Tired. I did my own self a favor and decided to just nip things in the bud. But, whatever.
When there is no kind of "compromise", do things work out? Hell no. And that is what happened.
I think it is you right now who would benefit from a bit more introspection. It sounds like you need more time. More experiences. More DIFFERING points of view. More playing the devil's advocate and possibly a bit more objectivity.
And always, a bit more understanding and awareness of yourself.
Anyone can do well with more of those things.
But with you, I am done.BluC
you are real shit and you and everything you make is dead to me.
don't tell an artist they're one of your biggest inspirations only to slowly retract the statement by gradually saying they only make up ten percent of your style and that most of what you come up with is your own especially when you can admit to copying or taking from other styles that are more mainstream. But if you take from another fellow artist, that makes it ok?
But then trying to be friends with them possibly makes it even more ok to keep doing it but mostly to never give them credit because of the possibility that your influences might be obvious?
You say you want to change and learn and branch out and when I brought up my concerns in a timely and civil but straightforward manner you brush it off but then accuse me of not caring about your feelings. Verbal ideas I have come up with you take as your own and made into art with no credit given.
I do not care about any love you claim to not have for me anymore.
You will never have my respect or good hearted consideration ever again.
I do not treat the intellectual property of my own friends as things I can take for myself. Art is and can be a lot of things but the person you take from should not be shoved under a rock like they don't exist just for the sake of you feeling better about your own "originality".
Trying to be friends does not excuse or justify stealing or "imitating" them.
If I am friends with someone I do not take that as an open blatant invitation to take from them in whatever way. You can be inspired by another person but what you make does not have to look anything like the original.
For all the styles you tried, mainstream and not, honor and foremost respect them and the "creators". Just because you took from them does not mean you are above them.
I left because I was tired of playing into possibily whatever guilt you had about not crediting anything.
Credit and respect your fellow artists. What is so hard about that.
Not much. Not much at all.
And for the love of god and art and everything good, if you like an artist and take from them, what heck is so...hurtful about showing respect for the person whose art you want your own to be like.
NOTHING. I love my influences. I am honest about them. Whenever asked I can point to them. At random I state them. Because I really do love them. I have put my own fair share of work into what I make striving for as much originality and creativity as I can, and as much as possible on my slowly growing skills as an artist. But I love and respect where I came from artistically because those people inspired a spark of strong emotion. I also have my own dreams and things I have come up with (as independently as I can for a challenge). But the amount of work I put in will never dwindle the significance AND EXISTENCE of what touched and helped change me.